Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Randomize
