any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
bring money and cleavage
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize