If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Ladies don't puke and tell
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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