The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Randomize
