there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
