It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
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