Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
