is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Randomize
