dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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