Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
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