I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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