we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
