Dude my mom stole all your condoms
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
