My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
