Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
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