If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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