How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
