Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Randomize
