just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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