I met the friendliest cop last night
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
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