Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
