some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
