I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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