This dress was meant to end up on your floor
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Randomize