i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
My vagina just clenched in fear
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
