we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Randomize
