Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Randomize
