Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Randomize
