so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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