The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
True strength comes from lack of pants
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize