$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I have fence marks all over my body
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize
