Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Randomize
