Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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