Please, let me fuck your mom
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Randomize
