That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
So much rum. So many feels.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
