It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
