we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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