can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Randomize
