wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
