I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Floor bacon is actually really good
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
