This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
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