Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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