Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
