genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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