i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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