She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize