Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
