Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Well I just put wine in my tea
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
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