I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
