So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize
