her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
