I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize