Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize