Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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