pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
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