You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
as a side note pls kill me
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
