Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Randomize
