BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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