someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
