Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
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