Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
