So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
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