I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize
