I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
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