What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Randomize
