sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
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