I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
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