Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
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