i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
