bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I just gargled with NyQuil
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Randomize
