Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Randomize
