How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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